Long Teenage Goodbye

‘The script was all prepared in my head. Yes, I will tell her today we can’t be together anymore’

I was waiting for her in my room, my heart racing at top speed. She was everything a man wanted, everything a man will ever need and that’s why I have to let her go. She is smart, she is intelligent and I’m dumb. I didn’t realise I was crying until I tasted my own tears. I wiped my tears with back of my hand and tried to act cool.

Soon I heard the footsteps and there she was, smiling as always, happy as always. ‘Damn how can anyone be this perfect’ She caught me perusing every inch of her.

‘Adi! I missed you so much’ she came closer, planted her strawberry chapstick kiss on my neck and sat on my lap, moving her fingers through my hair. God I missed her vanilla scent.

I wanted to tell her everything before it gets too late but before I could begin she shushed me again unbuttoning my maroon lining shirt, which was her favourite.

After playing with the tattoos on my chest she took off her shirt showing me her recently waxed tummy. She took my hand placing it on her belly, chuckling like a kindergarten kid. Anyone can get lost in those eyes, her dreamy eyes. The way her lips twitch when she try to suppress her smile. And her brown wavy hair falling on her face. I lift my hand to remove strands of hair from her glowing face but I have to stop, this has to end.

‘Alisha, listen!’ I said sternly taking my hands off her waist. She tilted her head to the side, studying me.
‘Aha, Alisha! What happened to Al?’ she arched a perfectly groomed eyebrow. Placing my hand on her neck she rested her head on my bare chest.

It was rare I called her by her name, Alisha. It was always ‘Al’ for me but no more.

Alisha tilted her head and I was trapped by her stare. She looked at my tense face and took my face in her hands leaning in to kiss me. How soft her lips were despite the severity of kisses. It was her way to make me smile whenever I’m not in good mood and it worked every time, her soft touch can make anyone melt in no time. But no more.

She stopped at once, realizing I wasn’t kissing her back. She dropped her hands from my neck ‘Adi. Look at me Adi. What happened baby?’ She frowned, tears threatening to fall. I turned my head God I can’t see tears in her eyes. ‘Adi…Why you crying b-babe?…D-did I-I say s-something w-wr-wrong?’ She grabbed my face kissing me gently again but I stopped her. ‘Adi…’ She began again between her sobs ‘What is it Adi…tell me I’ll m-make it r-right’ she sputtered.

‘You promise? You’ll do it?’ I asked holding her small hands in mine.
‘Yes Adi of course’ she nodded her head repeatedly tears streaming out.

‘Just. Leave. And. Don’t. Ever. Come. Back.’ I said eventually, swallowing hard.
‘Aditya!’ She screamed and shot me a distrusting face ‘Stop these pranks’ she said throwing her small fists on my chest trying to hit me. I took her both hands in my left hand, she took a step in an attempt to hug me but I stopped her putting my right hand on her shoulder ‘Alisha! I’m fucking done with you. I saw you and George the other day. How can you do this to me. I saw you looking at him in a way that I’d never once caught you looking at me’ I said glancing away, my grip on her shoulder tightened.
A shadow of pain passed across her features ‘Adi. Shut up. George was there to ask about the assignments’ she broke again ‘C’mon baby even you know that’ of course I know but I had my mind made up too. ‘Grow up girl! I don’t need you anymore. Put this in your brain. And leave right now’ I jerked her hand off my chest.

‘Then why you’re crying Adi!?’ There was fear in her voice.
‘Because I can’t bear your sight. I don’t care! Just leave right now… or…’ This time I went closer to her, tiny hairs on the back of her neck prickled. She took steps back till her back hit the wall. My hands traveled to her hips, and then crept up, dipping underneath her camisole. I tantalizingly grazed the skin beneath her ribs, and I can feel a tremor shot down her spine. She let’s out a small moan as she feel my cold fingers on her ‘…or… I’ll. Forget. What. Respect. Even. Means’ she squirm in pain, struggling under my touch. I loosened my grip on her and she winced. She was too caught up in the feel of my hands as they softly, languidly, roamed on her body, that she barely noticed that I had backed myself to where our shirts were lying on the floor.

I grabbed my shirt from the floor and tossed her shirt to her. Even after my constant threats she refused to give up on me, maybe she knows me better than I know myself. And so I had only one choice left…

I roughly took hold of her wrist and started walking out. ‘Now. Please Go. I’m sorry but go’ I dropped my hands from her sides, feeling guilty. Guilty for making her cry. Guilty for making her love me. Guilty for so many things I can’t even remember.

I ran to my room leaving her standing alone in the middle of the street, in the pouring rain. I shut the door behind and sat on the floor near the wall where she was standing afraid of me but still putting a brave face. I opened my drawer taking out the small silver box, containing a ring with our names engraved which I always wanted to give her but some dreams are meant to be shattered.


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